What Makes This More Than A Story

You’re going to read about my breakdown. I’ll introduce myself and a pseudonym for my former therapist in another post.

This account is exclusively from my perspective, but it is, in all the major details, backed up by emails, texts, and therapy sessions that I recorded when I came to believe that I could not trust my interpretation of the feelings Ms. Lyman was expressing. (NOTE: In New York State, it is legal to record conversations if one party – in this case me – is aware of the recording; all parties do not need to consent. This is also the case in Federal law, which governs interstate recordings. There was nothing illegal about my making these recordings.)

I have texts and emails from key moments that I will publish. And I have some of her notes, which I will scan in. Here’s an example of a recording excerpt.

• “Matt, I don’t have difficulty saying that I love you.”

Most of the recordings are going to come into play either in the back of the story — after she told me she loved me and I had my breakdown—but I’ll sprinkle some in earlier just because they serve as proof that she said the things I say she said, even though the context for them might be a little wonky because they were recorded when we were talking about it in retrospect.

In most cases, I’ll write out the quotes so you can read them faster than listening to her compose her thoughts on the fly (as above). I might have an elipse or two when she went on a tangent that might still be in the recording. They’re worth listening to.