PS: The Apology I Wish I’d Gotten

I wrote the apology I wished my therapist had had the courage to write. It's long, it's theoretical, and writing it was the point.

Three Months of Hell

We went back to twice-weekly sessions. Sam disclosed more and more. The more she disclosed, the closer I felt — and the more confused and trapped.

An Expert Weighs In

Dr. Paul Appelbaum, one of the country's leading forensic psychiatrists, reviewed the evidence and concluded my therapist had markedly deviated from her professional obligations.

The First Next Session

Despite wanting to end it, I went back. Sam persuaded me to continue. What followed was worse than what came before.

Letter to Sam

I wrote my therapist a goodbye letter. It didn't stick — which is why there are 14 more chapters after this one.

“I love You. I am Deeply Immersed With You.” — Sam

My therapist told me she loved me. She said we needed to figure out what we were going to do. What I did was have a nervous breakdown.

“Sometimes what feels like love is just love.” — Sam

I told my therapist I was experiencing transference. She told me it wasn't transference. She said sometimes what feels like love is just love.

In Which I Have Two Dreams

I was a vivid dreamer. My therapist was a prolific note-taker of my dreams. After months of pushing about our "connection," she finally appeared in two of them.

Sam Wants to Talk About Our Relationship

My therapist kept bringing up "who we are to each other." I kept saying: you're my therapist. She kept not accepting that answer.

The Beginning

I started seeing my therapist in 2018 with three reasonable goals. Within a year, she was upset that I didn't think we'd have been friends. That's where this story really starts.

Who I Am, Why I’m Writing This

I'm a normal middle-aged man who went to therapy for normal reasons and ended up with PTSD. This is why I decided to write about it.

Boundary Violations – A Simple Intro

What therapist boundary violations actually are, why they cause real harm, and why a patient — not a clinician — is telling this story. With audio.