Aftermath: Harm and Recovery

What happened after leaving Sam.

The Last Waltz

I make my exit and never speak to her again afterwards.

How Much Gaslighting Before You Go Up In Smoke?

Our last arguments, almost, where everything became unhinged and continuing to see her became untenable.

In Which We See Each Other In Person

I visit Sam at her Watertown office to see what it would be like to be in the room with her again. It was the beginning of the end.

The Reversiest of Roles

When Sam's niece dies suddenly, I became her therapist comforting her.

My Breakdown

I experienced deep emotional turmoil after Sam messed up her first attempt to handle the aftermath of her gaslighting me.

“I love You. I am Deeply Immersed With You.” — Sam

The relationship with Sam became blurred as she used suggestive language and pushed for more frequent, insurance-questionable sessions. Our dynamic came to a head when Sam admitted to seductive behavior and told me she loved me.

“Sometimes what feels like love is just love.” — Sam

In which I develop feelings for Sam and tell her I'm having transference, which she dismisses, telling me it's just love.

In Which I Have Two Dreams

I am a vivid dreamer and Sam was a prolific note-taker of my dreams. After all her pushing about our "relationship," she finally appeared in two dreams of mine, which I'll recount here.

Sam Wants to Talk About Our Relationship

In the summer of 2020, during the Covid pandemic, Sam wanted to discuss our relationship. I objected, stating that our interactions were strictly professional. Despite this, she continued to insist on the existence of a relationship, referencing psychoanalytic concepts like transference and countertransference. One of the cruxes of this story is Sam's ability (or inability) to manage her own countertransference.