What I wish I had known before it started. What I think should change so therapists are actually held accountable to the people they harm.
What I Know Now
Category: Narrative of the Case
Matt’s narrative of the events that took place between him and “Sam.”
Aftermath: Harm and Recovery
What happened after I left — the diagnosis, the new therapist, and what recovery from a therapist's boundary violations actually requires.
The System Failed
I filed a complaint with New York's licensing board. Despite recordings, falsified notes, and an expert opinion, they found insufficient evidence. Here's what that process is like.
Why I Didn’t Leave Sooner
Everyone asks why I didn't leave sooner. It's the wrong question — but I'll answer it anyway.
The Last Waltz
I made my exit and never spoke to her again. This is how it ended.
How Much Gaslighting Before You Go Up In Smoke?
Our sessions devolved into arguments. She denied saying things she had said. I couldn't make her stop, and I couldn't make myself leave.
In Which We See Each Other In Person
After months of video sessions, I drove to her office in Connecticut to see what it would be like to be in the room with her again. It was the beginning of the end.
My Breakdown
What a nervous breakdown actually looks and feels like from the inside, triggered not by a life event but by the person who was supposed to prevent one.
Why I Started Recording
I started secretly recording my therapy sessions because I could no longer trust my own memory of what she said. In New York, one-party consent makes this legal.
“I love You. I am Deeply Immersed With You.” — Sam
My therapist told me she loved me. She said we needed to figure out what we were going to do. What I did was have a nervous breakdown.
“Sometimes what feels like love is just love.” — Sam
I told my therapist I was experiencing transference. She told me it wasn't transference. She said sometimes what feels like love is just love.
In Which I Have Two Dreams
I was a vivid dreamer. My therapist was a prolific note-taker of my dreams. After months of pushing about our "connection," she finally appeared in two of them.
Sam Wants to Talk About Our Relationship
My therapist kept bringing up "who we are to each other." I kept saying: you're my therapist. She kept not accepting that answer.
Sam Suggests an Affair
My therapist told me my marriage was weak, then suggested I was creative enough to have an affair. I hadn't asked. I had no one in mind. She volunteered it.
The Beginning
I started seeing my therapist in 2018 with three reasonable goals. Within a year, she was upset that I didn't think we'd have been friends. That's where this story really starts.
Who I Am, Why I’m Writing This
I'm a normal middle-aged man who went to therapy for normal reasons and ended up with PTSD. This is why I decided to write about it.