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My Breakdown
What a nervous breakdown actually looks and feels like from the inside, triggered not by a life event but by the person who was supposed to prevent one.
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Letter to Sam
I wrote my therapist a goodbye letter. It didn’t stick — which is why there are 14 more chapters after this one.
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The First Next Session
Despite wanting to end it, I went back. Sam persuaded me to continue. What followed was worse than what came before.
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An Expert Weighs In
Dr. Paul Appelbaum, one of the country’s leading forensic psychiatrists, reviewed the evidence and concluded my therapist had markedly deviated from her professional obligations.
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Three Months of Hell
We went back to twice-weekly sessions. Sam disclosed more and more. The more she disclosed, the closer I felt — and the more confused and trapped.
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In Which We See Each Other In Person
After months of video sessions, I drove to her office in Connecticut to see what it would be like to be in the room with her again. It was the beginning of the end.
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How Much Gaslighting Before You Go Up In Smoke?
Our sessions devolved into arguments. She denied saying things she had said. I couldn’t make her stop, and I couldn’t make myself leave.
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Why I Didn’t Leave Sooner
Everyone asks why I didn’t leave sooner. It’s the wrong question — but I’ll answer it anyway.
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Turns Out Sam Faked Her Notes
When my attorney requested my therapist’s session notes, what we found was that she had falsified them. Here’s what that looked like.
Unlike a typical blog, this is written in chapter form. Start at the top and read posts downward to follow the story.
This is the story of how a female psychotherapist told me she loved me, a 53 year old professional male, causing a sever emotional breakdown and then reversing roles and treating me like I was her therapist. It includes recordings of sessions, contemporaneous emails, texts, and some of her notes, and a certain amount of theorizing. While all the facts here are absolutely true and corroborated, I do some layman’s theorizing about why she may have treated me the way she did.
This story is here to help others who may find themselves in, or sliding towards, a similar situation in the hopes that you can rescue yourself before you wind up where I did.